Funny quotes about life
Lucille Ball quotesOnce in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead.
George Burns quotesI look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.
Rodney Dangerfield quotesI get no respect at all - When I was a kid, I lost my parents at the beach. I asked a lifeguard to help me find them. He said "I don't know kid, there are so many places they could hide".
And my sex life is nothing to crow about. At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.
I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
Rita Rudner quotesI love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.
Jerry Seinfeld quotesNothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.
Dennis Miller quotesNever ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what's more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?
Bob Monkhouse quotesPersonally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?
Groucho Marx quotes
George Lopez quotesNo Angie, it's instant. Like when someone trips in the cafeteria and you're laughing so hard milk comes out of your nose, the guy next to you is laughing so hard he accidentally farts. BOOM! Friends for life!
Katt Williams quotesJust hit the blunt one time and see if it don't change your perception on whats important in your life.
