Funny quotes about kid
Demetri Martin quotesI heard this lady say "I love kids." That's nice, a little weird though. It's like saying "I like people, for a little while." "How old are you? 14? Fuck off!" You can say "I love kids" as a general statement, that's fine. It's when you get specific that you get into trouble. "I love twelve-year olds."
Bill Burr quotesI'll tell you why -- because, in the unlikely event that we're both on the Titanic and it starts to sink, for some reason, you get to leave with the kids and I have to stay -- that's why I get the dollar more an hour.
You're a kid, your whole life is awesome. It's awesome, right? You had no money, no ID, no cell phone, no nothing, no keys to the house. You just ran outside into the woods. You weren't scared of nothing. I challenge you to do that as an adult. All your IDs, all your credit cards -- just run out of the house with no phone, turn the corner where you can't see your house, and not have a full on panic attack.
Steven Wright quotesWhen I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I'll throw it at them.
Maria Bamford quotesI was in a lot of plays. We had a weird drama teacher in that he was incredibly enthusiastic about a high school drama program and would talk to all the kids for hours. He ended up marrying one of the kids, but that's neither here nor there.
Sarah Silverman quotesWow! She is amazing. She is 25 years old and she's already accomplished everything she's going to accomplish in her life. It's mind blowing … have you seen Britney's kids? Oh my god, they are the most adorable mistakes you will ever see! They are as cute as the hairless vagina they came out of!
Kristen Schaal quotesAt first the kid kicking the back of my airplane seat was enraging. Then I imagined it was a broken massage chair and I kinda liked it.
Chris Rock quotesThey're working their way down. Next year, Todd Bridges gets the award. When I was a kid I wanted to be Eddie Murphy and now I'm a rip-off of Eddie Murphy."
John Bishop quotesOn his teenage son: To be honest, I’m not sure the same kid comes home each night.
Fred Allen quotesI'm a little hoarse tonight. I've been living in Chicago for the past two months, and you know how it is, yelling for help on the way home every night. Things are so tough in Chicago that at Easter time, for bunnies the little kids use porcupines.
Tim Allen quotesMy stepfather stepped in where no man would've stepped in — six kids, five of them boys — and that's heroic.
