Funny quotes about joke
Emo Phillips quotesMy jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, where they are safe.
Russell Peters quotesJust for the record my Arab friends, i dont do any Arab jokes in my act. Its not that i dont think you are funny. It's just .. I dont know, i dont wanna..... die?
Jim Gaffigan quotesFor me, stand-up comedy is a conversation between me and the audience. I have to keep them listening. When I'm making jokes about cake for twenty minutes, I have to make sure my audience is interested and following where I'm going.
David Cross quotes[After having made an abortion joke] I know that can hit close to home for some people....was anyone here aborted?... (mimicking child's voice:) 'I was found in a trash can!' Okay, well, that sorta counts...
I do believe that on a whole, women are definitely smarter than men…I also believe that dogs are smarter than women. (woman in audience says “Not buying that”) No? That one, you don’t believe it? You believe that I didn’t do a series of tests? You are right to not believe it, because I’m going to go ahead and admit that I do not believe what I just said, it was what’s described as a 'joke.' Um, I’ll be telling a bunch of them here tonight.
Then I will tape the sets and even though I`m not very successful sometimes I will try to cut out the fat and put the jokes closer together.
Aziz Ansari quotesAfter you do a joke a few times, you have material that you know works. Although sometimes I have a joke that has worked a bunch of times and then one night it'll flop. And that's when I really take a hard look at myself and say: 'Well, that crowd is obviously wrong. That crowd has absolutely no idea what it's talking about.'
Bill Bailey quotesYou get somebody to explain the Trinity to you, they'll say "Well God, he's God, and Jesus is God as well, and the Holy Spirit is...[mumbles indistinctly]". "What?" "He's the fecund spirit of the Lord who impregnates Mary, then gets a bit up himself and is reduced to light clerical duties?" Let's examine that in joke form: three male divine natures go into a cosmic essence, giving and receiving love, but not in a gay bishop way, to which the whole of Islam goes "Wha?"; Hinduism: "Nah!"; or Buddhism: "Ssh!".
Demetri Martin quotesSome jokes are short and elegant, like a mathematical proof or a midget in a ball-gown.
Steven Wright quotes
Sarah Silverman quotesThere are only two Asian people that I know that I have any problem with at all. One is, uh, Guy Aioki. The other is my friend Steve who actually went pee-pee in my Coke. He's all, "Me Chinese, me play joke!" Uh, if you have to explain it, Steve, it's not funny!
Tina Fey quotesI like to crack the jokes now and again, but it's only because I struggle with math.
The Washington State Supreme Court on Thursday announced a two year suspension for a lawyer caught having jailhouse sex with a triple murder defendant she was representing. Haha! Jokes on you, dummies...I'm not really a lawyer.
