Funny quotes about job
Doug Stanhope quotesI couldn't be a responsible enough parent if my kid was born with a new suit and a full-time job.
Ted Alexandro quotesA lot of debate about the war lately. Democrats saying pull out. Republicans saying finish the job. It's like the angel and devil on my shoulders during sex -- maybe I really am a Republican?
Dov Davidoff quotesWhy would you beat up on a gay guy? I'm all for kickin' ass, but let's take out the enemy, you know, some good-looking straight dude with a nice car and job.
Daniel Tosh quotesThe floor is lava! That's the lava game, when you pretend that the floor is lava and you climb up on all the furniture. I see some of you don't get that. I don't care, that's okay. You might have called it something else, but it meant the same thing; you were poor. I'd tell my mom, "I want a Nintendo." and she'd reply "The floor is lava!" "What's wrong with our house? Why can't we afford better carpeting? It's called two jobs, bitch!" That's how I used to talk. I was very street.
By the way, everything I say is wrong; I'm a complete hypocrite. I've dated girls with boob jobs, breast enlargements, but she was an A cup and that's gross. Get it fixed girls, you're not even a real woman.
Todd Barry quotesI had temping jobs also. I liked the flexibility. There was no asking for time off; you just didn't work.
Denis Leary quotesI've good kids, I love my kids. I try to bring them up the right way, not spanking them. I find that I don't have to spank them. I find that waving the gun around pretty much gets the same job done!
Donald Glover quotesIf you’re a girl, and dont give blowjobs, go ahead and curl up with your cats and your twilight dvd’s.. because you are going to die alone.
Ellen DeGeneres quotesI think the hard thing about this job [stand-up] — I mean, I think this part is great — but that the traveling is y'know, 'cause — 'cause I'm gone a lot from home and this time I'm out for three-and-a-half weeks without going home, and that's hard, to be gone three-and-a-half weeks 'cause then I have to ask my friends, "Would you mind going to the house and watering the plants, and turn some lights on and make it look like somebody's home, and make sure that the mobile over the crib isn't tangled or the baby's gonna get bored..."
Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.
Jeff Foxworthy quotesThe designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house.
Bernard Manning quotesA Scouser went to a prostitute. She said, ‘Do you want a blow job?’ He said, ‘Will it affect me dole money?’
Chelsea Handler quotesMy mother told me that life isn't always about pleasing yourself and that sometimes you have to do things for the sole benefit of another human being. I completely agreed with her, but reminded her that that was what blow jobs were for.
If your name is ‘Christina’ and you spell it ‘Xtina’, there’s a 99% chance you’ve given your stepdad a blowjob.
Robert Schimmel quotesWhen it comes to my wife and blowjobs, my dick’s in the Witness Protection Program. “Dick? I don’t know nobody named Dick.”
