Funny quotes about irish
Dara O Briain quotesThis is the first time that Irish people go: ‘You’re going to England? Sure it’s full of terrorists. Come to Ireland. We’ve no terrorists. They’re all playwrights now.’
There are three states of legality in Irish law. There is all this stuff which comes under That's grand, then it moves into Ah now don't push it, and finally it comes under Right now you're takin the piss, and that's when the police come in.
George Carlin quotes
Louis C.K. quotesI'm just like yeast - I eat sugar and I shit alcohol. And there's a huge culture that goes with that. Alcohol creates massive shifts in world history, and it changes people's lives. People get pregnant because of alcohol. But the yeast doesn't give a fuck. The yeast isn't going, "I really want to help people loosen up and bring passion into Irish people's lives.
Tina Fey quotesIn a study, scientists report that drinking beer can be good for the liver. I'm sorry, did I say "scientists"? I meant "Irish people."
Whitney Cummings quotesThe problem with vampires is they look like they're 20, but they're actually 100 years old. So you'll be dating this hot, young guy who grew up in the Great Depression and hates Irish people. And then you take him out to a nightclub, and he's doing the Charleston. Or you think he's cheating on you, so you go through his journal. You're like, 'Who the hell is this slut? Harriet Tubman? Who the f**k is that?'
Noel Fielding quotesI'm going to name drop like an idiot now, but Bono rang me up once, right? I don't know how he got my number, but I, ever so stupidly, and obviously thought it was one of my mates mocking about. So I was like, "Yeah, whatever." And it was him, but I even went to him, "That's not even a good Irish accent!"
Frank Carson quotesHave you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?
There was an Irish space program to go to the sun. They went at night so they didn't get burnt.
An Irishman's wife gave birth to twins. Her husband wanted to know who the other man was.
There were two Irishmen eating sandwiches in a pub and the landlord said: "You can't eat your own food in here." So they swapped sandwiches.
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. The barman looks at them and says: "Is this some kind of a joke?"
My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p.
An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman were invited to a Christmas party. The Englishman brought a bag of tinsel, the Scotsman brought a bag of holly and they asked the Irishman: "What have you brought?" He said: "I brought a pair of knickers." They asked: "What has that got to do with Christmas?" He said "They're Carol's."
