Funny quotes about hard
Chris Rock quotesSee... Relationships are hard, man. For order, for any relationship to work, both people have to be on the same page, both people have to have the same focus, and we all know what that page is. We all know what that focus is. In order for the relationship to work both people have to have the same focus, and what's that focus? That focus is all about HER! It's all about her!
George Bush has fucked up so bad, he made it hard for a white man to run for president! People are like "give me a black man, a white woman, a giraffe, a zebra...anything but another white man! That last one fucked up my roof!"
Fred Allen quotesA celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
Tim Allen quotesWhen I walk into that (Sears) Craftsman tool department, my nipples get rock-hard!
Rodney Dangerfield quotesI tell ya, sex is getting harder all the time. Me and my wife were trying to have sex for hours last night and I finally gave up. I asked her, "what, you can't think of anybody either?"
Gilbert Gottfried quotesI've always said my career is somewhere between children's programming and hard-core porn.
Dennis Miller quotesNever ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what's more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?
George Lopez quotesNo Angie, it's instant. Like when someone trips in the cafeteria and you're laughing so hard milk comes out of your nose, the guy next to you is laughing so hard he accidentally farts. BOOM! Friends for life!
Marc Maron quotesThere are also always those burnt, hard kernels at the bottom that don't pop. You know why they don't pop? They don't pop because they have integrity.
Amy Schumer quotesThe way that these girls keep themselves skinny is awful, isn't it? By vomiting or using hard drugs -- which I can't afford.
Doug Stanhope quotesPussy really is the main motivating factor in all of humankind. It really is. It's what gets shit built. [reacting to applause from the audience]: I'm not 'yeah' for pussy. This is a flaw in the system, don't clap for it! [I'm] saying, they know that is a catalyst, and that's why religion and government have to control supply and demand of pussy. And they do that by heaping shame upon you should you want to give away more than the 'federally allocated recommended daily allowance of pussy'. "Oh, she wants to suck more than one dick?! Whore! Shun your natural instinct, whore, or nothing'll get built." — It comes down to production, it really does. They have to keep that pussy like a dangling carrot, something that's hard to get so he keeps running on the treadmill, building more shit, sending out more boxes to the dollar store, pointless shit that no one needs. — That's why cocaine is illegal: it makes pussy too easy to get.
Tim Minchin quotesIt’s quite hard being right in the face of people who are wrong without sounding like a fuckwit. People go “do you think the vast majority of the world is wrong”, well yes. I don’t know how to say that nicely, but yes.”
Zach Galifianakis quotesWhen you look like I do its hard to get a table for one at Chucky Cheese.
I'm an American so its kind of hard for me to talk about 9/11. So whenever someone brings it up in a conversation, I say "I didn't like 9/11."
Hannibal Buress quotesPeople like to compare something to something that they know. Even with Chris Rock, they say he's like Richard Pryor or Eddie Murphy.
