Funny quotes about hair

He could dismiss several schools of philosophy by shifting slightly in his chair or toting his whisky glass.

I can't relax here. These people have no pubic hair anywhere. We have pubic hair on the ceiling.

I feel very very old. My hair hurts. I have buttocks all over my body and I can't even smoke properly any more. I don't have lungs, I just have two poppadoms in here.

I got my hair highlighted because I felt that some strands were more important than others.

You know when they show someone washing their hair under a waterfall? That's crazy. That would knock you on your butt.

I wonder what chairs think about all day: "Oh, here comes another asshole."

They kicked me out of my school and sent me to the retard school down the street. If you had anything wrong with you, you went to my school. You were on a wheelchair, you went to my school. You were on crutches, you went to my school.You were blind, you went to my school.You were deaf, you were deaf, you had behavior problems, you went to my school. My school had ramps all over the fucking place. It looked like Tony Hawk designed my school.

[On marketing and commercials] HENDERSON VALLEY EGGS! You're gonna love our eggs!!!... [cut to small granny in rockin chair] I like eggs the old fashioned way. [return to youth] "Fuck you granny!" [punch mimic]

A celebrity is any well-known TV or movie star who looks like he spends more than two hours working on his hair.

Dentists tell you not to pick your teeth with any sharp metal object. Then you sit in their chair... and the first thing they grab is an iron hook.

Now, this is the fun part about getting stoned. They get stoned, then they become paranoid. Now, when they started out, they said, "Let's get high and have fun." So they're high; now they're paranoid. "Am I falling out of this chair?"

Any man today who returns from work, sinks into a chair, and calls for his pipe is a man with an appetite for danger.

Gray hair is God's graffiti.

Wow! She is amazing. She is 25 years old and she's already accomplished everything she's going to accomplish in her life. It's mind blowing … have you seen Britney's kids? Oh my god, they are the most adorable mistakes you will ever see! They are as cute as the hairless vagina they came out of!

I learned that people in wheelchairs are allowed to have marathons … which, to me, seems like cheating, but what are you gonna say?