Funny quotes about guys
Kristen Schaal quotesGuys. If your pants are below your ass you have no right to accuse any lady of dressing slutty.
Chris Rock quotesRight now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.
Actually, I think all addiction starts with soda. Every junkie did soda first. But no one counts that. Maybe they should. The soda connection is clear. Why isn't a presidential commission looking into this? Or at least some guys from the National Carbonation Council.
My favorite song right now is impossible to defend. It's impossible. We should all be ashamed of ourselves for liking this fucking song. Lil Jon. You know that shit: "To the window! To the wall! [crowd sings along] 'Till the sweat drip from my balls! Skeet, skeet, skeet, skeet!" You go to clubs, you see girls dance to that shit. "Till the sweat drip from my balls! Till the sweat drip from my balls! From my balls! From my balls! My balls! Skeet, Skeet Skeet!" I feel sorry for the guys that gotta pick a wife out of this bunch. It's like, "Daddy, where'd you meet Mommy?" "Oh, she was singing about balls at a club. Skeet, skeet, skeet!"
You know those guys that go to the strip club at the daytime? If you're at a strip club, and the sun is out, you got some problems!
Rodney Dangerfield quotesMy girlfriend is so ugly, two guys broke into her apartment. She yelled "Rape!" They yelled "NO!"
I tell ya, I don't get no respect ... Last week, my wife told me that she was going to cut me down to twice a month. But I thought about it, and I figured that it wasn't too bad. I know a couple of guys that she cut out completely.
This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guys pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.
Last week I was walking by a cemetery, two guys came after me with shovels. It was all about money.
My wife had her drivers test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear.
Marc Maron quotesGod doesn't seem to talk to people like he used to. Who's he talking to now? I don't know. Then I'm walking down the street in Manhattan one day, and I realize maybe it's those guys you see walking down the street talking to themselves. You know, those guys that are like, 'I can't! No, I can't!' Maybe the other side of that conversation is God going, 'You're the new leader.' 'No I can't!' They're not crazy -- they're reluctant prophets.
Amy Schumer quotes[On Her Best Friend's Pregnancy] I'll never forget how she told us. She took us all out to brunch, and she was like, 'You guys, I'm keeping this one.'
I hate false advertising, like 'Skittles: taste the rainbow.' No one's ever been like, 'Rainbow, right you guys?' Or what's Reese's? 'There's no wrong way to eat a Reese's.' Oh, really? Tell that to my uncle who used to put them in my underwear. Alright, maybe your uncles didn't love you.
Ted Alexandro quotesI'm keeping in shape, you know, gotta look good for the ladies -- and certain guys. Hey, I can't control who's looking. I just gotta bring the heat.
