Funny quotes about god
Dane Cook quotes[talking about movie dates and how guys can never find their seats] So it's dark and the movie already started. And that first part of the movie is always some fucking cave scene and you're just like, "Can they just flashback to a beach scene for like ten god damn seconds?"
I had to use a public restroom today. Isn't that the worst when you have to, god damb it! Why when you walk into a public restroom why is everything fucking wet? There's puddles, waters all over the counter, it's dripping it's like being in a fucking cave. What happen was there like a shaggy dog in there after a bath? And god fabid you have to use the stall you go in there, you sit down, you try to close the door, which apparently Van-Damme kicked in. Why are they all broken? Who's running in the bathroom like "I gotta shit... I can't shit with the door in front of me! Fucking door! I don't like being in a perfect square when I'm trying to shit!"
Brad Stine quotesWho’s more irrational……a Christian who believes in a God he can’t see, or an atheist who’s offended by a God he doesn’t even believe in?
If we all die and there is no God, then it’s just eternal unconsciousness, you’ll never know, but if you’re wrong... you’ll know forever.
Anthony Jeselnik quotesMy ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet…oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.
Lenny Bruce quotesIf you believe there is a God, a God that made your body, and yet you think that you can do anything with that body that's dirty, then the fault lies with the manufacturer.
Chris Tucker quotesWeed is from the earth. God put this here for me and you. Take advantage man, take advantage!
Christopher Titus quotesOh, God! Get me out of this Paris Hilton-Lindsay Lohan-Kim Kardashian, talentless slut decade!
Osama Bin Laden is dead? Oh my God, that was so easy! And it only took two trillion dollars, two wars and too many good men.
Chelsea Peretti quotes
