Funny quotes about god
David Cross quotesI guess the lesson to be learned from the [Catholic] church is that while homosexuality is a sin against GOD, molestation and rape, well... they're just sins against a child.
Dave Chappelle quotesAll I'll say about Elian is thank God he's Cuban. 'Cause if he was Haitian you'd've never heard about his ass. If Elian Gonzales was Elian Mumumbo from Haiti, they would've pushed that little rubber tube right back in the water. "Sorry little fella, all full. Good luck!"
Like, see, I'd never vote for George Bush Junior, but I don't know anything about his politics. All I know about that George Bush Junior is that that guy sniffed cocaine. That's right. Now, listen, we can't have that shit in the White House. That may be fine for a mayor; but goddammit, not the White House! The stakes are too high. He'd be sellin' nuclear secrets for 20 or 30 dollars and shit.
Oh my god. Open and shut case, Johnson. I saw this once when I was a rookie. Apparently this nigger broke in and put up pictures of his family everywhere.
Bill Cosby quotes
Dave Attell quotesI went to a sex store, and i was drunk. Never do that. I took one of those strap-on dildos, I put it on my head and started chasing people like a rhino. Oh, God. Oh my God! Everyone was laughing, except for the guy in the kilt. I don’t know what happened, but i’m sorry.
Bill Bailey quotesI spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people's doors and running away. God that was a good game.
"God save our gracious Queen": Why would we invoke a non-specific deity to bail out these unelected spongers?
You get somebody to explain the Trinity to you, they'll say "Well God, he's God, and Jesus is God as well, and the Holy Spirit is...[mumbles indistinctly]". "What?" "He's the fecund spirit of the Lord who impregnates Mary, then gets a bit up himself and is reduced to light clerical duties?" Let's examine that in joke form: three male divine natures go into a cosmic essence, giving and receiving love, but not in a gay bishop way, to which the whole of Islam goes "Wha?"; Hinduism: "Nah!"; or Buddhism: "Ssh!".
I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think 'Oh my God, I'm James Blunt, what have I done?'
Not so great in England at the moment; in an online poll we came last, we actually came bottom of European countries for quality of life, because of things like the weather, obviously, late retirement, poor holiday, poor public services, poor health service; it's basically just a kind of grey, godless wilderness, full of cold pies and broken dreams.
Demetri Martin quotesI hate seeing people that look like you. Especially if God's living by the motto 'If at first you don't succeed'
Steven Wright quotesI think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
