Funny quotes about girls
Rodney Dangerfield quotesThe sign on the bar said: 'girls- topless, bottomless', I went inside and there was nobody there!
I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.
Marc Maron quotes[No Longer Attractive to Young Girls] I'm just saying, 'Hey, throw me a bone. How about a smile, cute t-shirt? Look at me.' Nothing -- unless it's a turn to their friends to go, 'Hey, why is that weird guy looking at us?'
Amy Schumer quotesThe way that these girls keep themselves skinny is awful, isn't it? By vomiting or using hard drugs -- which I can't afford.
Doug Stanhope quotesYou watch too much porno, it diminishes your taste for the kind of girls that will actually poon you.
Ted Alexandro quotesI'm still enjoying the single life. Went down to Mardi Gras a couple years ago, that was fun. I went with a buddy of mine. There were some girls up in a balcony. A chant goes up: 'Show your tits.' I joined the chant because I support the cause. The girls show 'em, we threw up some beads -- I figured that's the end of the transaction. Turns out they reciprocate with a chant of their own: 'We want c**k.' What do you do? Turns out, I had some c**k on me -- unfasten, unbutton, unzip -- beads showering down on me. Best moment of my entire life -- cut short: handcuffed, thrown against the wall. My friend runs off, but manages to get a picture before he does. I don't know a lot about prison, but I do know, handcuffed, with your pants down, covered in beads, is not a good way to arrive.
Girls dress sexy, right? Even sweat pants now -- kind of tight, got the writing on the ass, little messages. Who knows what it's gonna say? It's like a little fortune cookie right on your ass: 'Sexy. Baby Doll. Juicy. Look at my ass.' I'm like, 'Excellent. I've been meaning to read more.' I'm tearing through five, six asses a day. Sometimes, I just read half and stick a bookmark in it.
Halloween seems to be getting bigger every year. I noticed a pattern this year with girls' costumes. Girls will take a typically altruistic career -- such as librarian, nurse, maybe nun -- and turn her into a whore.
Bo Burnham quotesYouTube is a place for people to share their ideas. If by people you mean 13 year old girls and by ideas you mean how they love the Jonas Brothers.
Whitney Cummings quotesGuys who talk about their ex-girlfriend are like girls who talk about their farts.
Daniel Tosh quotesYou ever hear girls say that? "I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual." I like to reply with "I'm not honest, but you're interesting!"
By the way, everything I say is wrong; I'm a complete hypocrite. I've dated girls with boob jobs, breast enlargements, but she was an A cup and that's gross. Get it fixed girls, you're not even a real woman.
Have you heard about the morning after pill, or what I like to call breakfast in bed. Well have you heard about how some of the girls who have taken have died a few days later? Talk about two birds, looks like I will be going to the game this weekend boys.
Donald Glover quotes
Jeff Foxworthy quotesLittle girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on.
