Funny quotes about girls
Adam Ferrara quotesThe girls are beautiful in Hollywood -- and enough silicon to caulk a sink.
I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren't.
George Carlin quotesThe main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
Jimmy Carr quotesI was out with a friend and he came over with a pair of girls. I said to him "They're like buses." He said "What? Because you wait for ages and then two come along at once." I said "No, they are like buses!"
Louis C.K. quotesThere's a reason it's called 'girls gone wild' and not 'women gone wild'. When girls go wild, they show their tits. When women go wild, they kill men and drown their kids in a tub.
Emo Phillips quotesI used to be scared of pretty girls, until one confessed they're just as scared of me.
Dave Attell quotesLadies, is it really the size of a man's penis that matters? Is it? (some girls cheer) Well, the whores have spoken. Some woman say yes, some women say "no, it's how he uses his penis." How he uses it? What is this man doing with his magical penis? Is he building things and fighting terrorism? "A gazebo, how did that get in here?!" "Don't thank me." What if a man doesn't have a penis, but three balls, and one of them lights up and plays a tune? Does he ever get laid?! DO YOU FUCK HIM FOR THE STORY?!
Demetri Martin quotesI think vest are all about protection. You know what I man? Like a life-vest protects you from drowning and a bullet-proof vest protects you from getting shot and the sweater-vest protects you from pretty girls. 'Leave me alone. Can't you see I'm cold just right here?'
I was watching MTV and there were girls dancing in suspended cages. That would be an ambivalent situation: "I'm trapped! ...but enjoying the music".
Sarah Silverman quotesStrippers should be role-models for little girls. If only for the fact that they wax their assholes.
Chris Rock quotesA bunch of girls say, "You don't need no man to help you raise no child" … shut the fuck up with the bullshit! Yeah, you could do it without a man, but that don't mean it's to be done! Shit, you can drive a car with your feet if you want to, that don't make it a good fucking idea!
My favorite song right now is impossible to defend. It's impossible. We should all be ashamed of ourselves for liking this fucking song. Lil Jon. You know that shit: "To the window! To the wall! [crowd sings along] 'Till the sweat drip from my balls! Skeet, skeet, skeet, skeet!" You go to clubs, you see girls dance to that shit. "Till the sweat drip from my balls! Till the sweat drip from my balls! From my balls! From my balls! My balls! Skeet, Skeet Skeet!" I feel sorry for the guys that gotta pick a wife out of this bunch. It's like, "Daddy, where'd you meet Mommy?" "Oh, she was singing about balls at a club. Skeet, skeet, skeet!"
Women don't care, man. If the beat's all right, she will dance all night! I've seen girls on the floor dancing to the nastiest shit ever made. It's like, "Smack her with a dick, smack her with a dick! … I put a dick in the ear, a dick in the ear! … Fuck her in the eye, fuck her in the eye! … Blind the bitch, blind the bitch!"
Lee Mack quotes“I’m in a relationship at the moment…sorry girls…it’s going to have to be your place.”
Rowan Atkinson quotesI've no desire to hang around with a bunch of upper-class delinquents, do twenty minutes' work and then spend the rest of the day loafing about in Paris drinking gallons of champagne and having dozens of moist, pink, highly experienced French peasant girls galloping up and down my - hang on...
