Funny quotes about father
Bill Cosby quotesA new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he's in there, as if he needed company. The only way for this father to be certain of bathroom privacy is to shave at the gas station.
My father walked to school 4 o'clock every morning with no shoes on, uphill, both ways, in 5 feet of snow and he was thankful.
Dave Attell quotesOne time my own father caught me watching a porno movie. The one thing you never wanna hear in that situation is, “son, move over.” “And the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon…” my eye!
Sarah Silverman quotesSince so many people these days don't seem to start their families until around age forty, I predict there will be less child beating, but more slipped disks from lifting babies out of cribs. Even the father of advanced age who's not inclined to spare the rod is likely to suffer more than his victim: The first punch he throws might well be the last straw for his rotator cuff, reducing his disciplinary options to mere verbal abuse and napping.
Chris Rock quotesI mean, they don't grade fathers. But if your daughter's a stripper, you fucked up.
Milton Jones quotesAbout a month before he died, my grandfather, we covered his back full of lard – after that he went downhill very quickly.
Sometimes I wonder what my grandfather would think of what I do, he spent his whole life in the kebab business, was buried with all his equipment, probably turning in his grave.
My grandfather invented the cold air balloon... But it never really took off.
Fred Allen quotesMy father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
Tim Allen quotesMy stepfather stepped in where no man would've stepped in — six kids, five of them boys — and that's heroic.
Louie Anderson quotesCredit-card debt and day trading-I feel like Michael Corleone in Godfather III, just when I think out, they pull me back in.
Rodney Dangerfield quotesI remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
