Funny quotes about fat
Dave Attell quotesTattoos are cool because they don’t belong on your body, but you put it there to say something about yourself. Much like my rolls of fat. That shit does not belong on a human body. And I put it there to say something about me. I don’t like fruit. I don’t like it! Long bike ride? I’m out. Hot dog eating contest? I’m listening.
Demetri Martin quotesIf you can't tell the difference between a spoon and a ladle, then you're fat.
Skiing is my favorite sport, because, that's the only sport that is actually better to watch the worst the person is at it. "That guy won a gold medal in the Olympics" "Oh yeah, that's cool, i wanna watch the fat guy" "Come on dude, you can take that hill"
Sarah Silverman quotesSince so many people these days don't seem to start their families until around age forty, I predict there will be less child beating, but more slipped disks from lifting babies out of cribs. Even the father of advanced age who's not inclined to spare the rod is likely to suffer more than his victim: The first punch he throws might well be the last straw for his rotator cuff, reducing his disciplinary options to mere verbal abuse and napping.
Ricky Gervais quotesThey have bits sliced off and tied up and sucked out. I want to say to them, ‘You lazy f—ing fat pig. Just go for a run and stop eating burgers. You might fucking die’.
Chris Rock quotesA black man failing black history... ain't that some sad shit..... cuz you know, fat people don't fail cooking!
I mean, they don't grade fathers. But if your daughter's a stripper, you fucked up.
Lee Evans quotesI love kebabs, they give you all that meat, that saturated fat, and they give you that little bit of salad. What's that, the healthy section? Never see a drunk do that, do you? "Where's me salad! What you trying to do, kill me?"
Milton Jones quotesAbout a month before he died, my grandfather, we covered his back full of lard – after that he went downhill very quickly.
Sometimes I wonder what my grandfather would think of what I do, he spent his whole life in the kebab business, was buried with all his equipment, probably turning in his grave.
When the boys at school found out I had a potentially fatal peanut allergy, they used to hold me up against a wall and play Russian Roulette with a bag of Revels !
My grandfather invented the cold air balloon... But it never really took off.
Fred Allen quotesMy father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
Tim Allen quotesI got myself a snack of low-sodium, low-fat Triscuits. If they were lower in anything else the box would be empty.
