Funny quotes about eating
I did work in a bakery for one day. But the boss went off and when he came back I was lying on the floor eating cakes.
(eating out in restaurants before he was famous) "I'll just have a napkin and a breadstick"
Richard said, "The next time the motherfucker call, tell him I said, "Suck *my* dick." I don't give a fuck. Whatever the fuck make the people laugh, say that shit. Do the people laugh when you say what you say?" I said, "Yes." He said, "Do you get paid?" I said, "Yes." He said, "Well, tell Bill I said have a Coke and a smile and shut the fuck up. Jello pudding-eating motherfucker."
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
We had Monopoly, everybody did. No one liked it. Even if you think you liked the game you didn't. And it's simple why, two and a half hours into a game this is all you'd hear... [boom] Fuck this game! It's four in the morning grandma, you win! I'm sitting on Baltic with crack. I'm paying luxury tax up the ass! And I hate it when you're the banker. Where did you get the pink fifties from your cheating whore. Don't fucking touch me grandpa! Nana, is a cheating whore! I should cut your head off with the little doggie. We were so poor growing up, that little iron, we had to use that little iron. It's not funny. Takes a long time to iron a shirt with that tiny little iron. Sss. Oww. Sss. Ooo hot.
Every time you come in from cheating on someone, they'll just whip out the most adorable term of endearment. Like, they'll wake up, bright and early, sleep in their eyes and say: "Hey, perfect."
There were two Irishmen eating sandwiches in a pub and the landlord said: "You can't eat your own food in here." So they swapped sandwiches.
We just found out my little brother has a peanut allergy, which is very serious I know. But still I feel like my parents are totally overreacting — they caught me eating a tiny little bag of airline peanuts and they kicked me out of his funeral.
Do you realize that if the pilgrims have been chasing bobcats instead of turkeys... we'd all be eating pussy on Thanksgiving?!
Don't bother me while I'm eating, or when I'm coming out of the crackhouse or something. Just let me get going.