Funny quotes about easy
Dylan Moran quotesIts not easy being a man you know. I had to get dressed today… and there are other pressures.
Gabriel Iglesias quotesThe cop gets to the window and says the same thing that they all say, right, "Do you know why I stopped you?" It was too easy. I looked at him and I said, "'Cause you can smell it."
Jimmy Carr quotesMy girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian...
Mitch Hedberg quotesI hope the next time I move I get a real easy phone number, something that's real easy to remember. Something like 222-2222. I would say, "Sweet." And then people would say, "Mitch, how do I get a hold of you?" I'd say, "Just press 2 for a while. And when I answer, you will know you have pressed 2 enough."
I want to get a job naming kitchen appliances. That seems easy; refrigerator, toaster, blender. You just say what the thing does and add "er".
Dave Chappelle quotesWhite people do not like to talk about their political affiliations. It's a secret. You ask a white guy who's he votin' for, like, "Hey, Bob, who you gonna vote for?" "Dave! Dave! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Take it easy. So I was fuckin' my wife in her ass, right? And let me tell you, it was something else." "Yeah, yeah, but who are you gonna vote for?" "Dave! Dave, come on with the voting! I'm trying to tell you about fucking my wife in the ass, and you're asking me all these personal questions."
Demetri Martin quotesIt's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy: Location, location, location.
An easy way to sound like a creep is to add the word 'ladies' to the end of things you say. It can be harmless too, but it just makes you a creep. 'Yeah after college I spent two years in the peace corps, ladies?' The more harmless it is, the more of a creep you become. 'I broke my arm. I need help, ladies?"
Tina Fey quotesI was a mostly happy child, though I had a pretty rough puberty. Growing up as a girl is always traumatizing, especially when you have the deadly combination of greasy skin and getting your boobs at ten. But I think it's good to grow up that way. It builds character.
Rita Rudner quotes
Doug Stanhope quotesPussy really is the main motivating factor in all of humankind. It really is. It's what gets shit built. [reacting to applause from the audience]: I'm not 'yeah' for pussy. This is a flaw in the system, don't clap for it! [I'm] saying, they know that is a catalyst, and that's why religion and government have to control supply and demand of pussy. And they do that by heaping shame upon you should you want to give away more than the 'federally allocated recommended daily allowance of pussy'. "Oh, she wants to suck more than one dick?! Whore! Shun your natural instinct, whore, or nothing'll get built." — It comes down to production, it really does. They have to keep that pussy like a dangling carrot, something that's hard to get so he keeps running on the treadmill, building more shit, sending out more boxes to the dollar store, pointless shit that no one needs. — That's why cocaine is illegal: it makes pussy too easy to get.
Hannibal Buress quotes?I don’t think Al Sharpton will be president of anything, except for The Association of Greasy Mother Fuckers. Zing, Al Sharpton. Don’t fuck with me.
Bo Burnham quotesPoetic talent is really easy to fake when thy sentences doth no fucking sense make.
