Funny quotes about drink

If your body is 90% water what have you got to drink water all the time for? Why can't you just have some crisps?

British people would die for their right to drink themselves to death

(On his long-term goals.) I want to have more courage, conquer my fear of lightning and, by my 40th birthday, be drinking 50% less of my current alcohol consumption. I also want to meet Barack Obama, or take significant steps to getting into Outer Space.

When white people go on break at their job. 15 minutes. They go to their desk. They eat their cheese sandwich. Drink their God damn tea. 15 minutes they’re back on the fucking job. My people I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with us. But when we go on break, that’s just what the fuck we do…. we break. You got to look for our motherfucking ass. “You seen Johnny?”

Did your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head?

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

"Man went into a bar, he only had one arm. Guy sitting next to him said 'Hey, you've got your sleeve in my drink', man replied, 'There's no (h)arm in it' "

Frank once slipped something into the pocket of a luggage handler at the airport and said: "Have a drink on me." The luggage handler later found out it was a tea bag.

Marriage is like, did you ever to a concert and you see a mosh pit and you're like, 'You know what I'm going to go get in that mosh pit.' But then once you get in it, you're like, 'I do not want to be in this mosh pit at all. I am going to leave and go get some beer.' And then the mosh pit's like, 'Didn't you drink last night?' All right mosh pit, why don't you get off my back and let me live my life?

I'm not an alcoholic. I just drink that way.

I had a real job at fourteen years old. At seventeen, I was on my own. At twenty, I cut the liver out of a drifter and gave it to my father! 'Cause my dad's a drinker and I love my dad. And for eighty bucks, you can do anything in Mexico!

The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation.