Funny quotes about date

Adam Ferrara quotes

I look to nature because I think the animals are smarter than we are. Animals mate; humans date. There's no dating in the animal kingdom. No dinner, no movie -- just a quick sniff, 'Alright, let's go.'

Dylan Moran quotes

I think that women just have a primeval instinct to make soup, which they will try to foist on anybody who looks like a likely candidate.

Woody Allen quotes

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Jim Gaffigan quotes

"I only dated one Asian girl, but she was very Asian. She was a panda."

David Cross quotes

[With reference to a 'how to date' book] Because you've been on dates where y'know, you forget to open your eyes and wear pants and speak English.

Dave Attell quotes

I was on a date with this really hot model. Well, it wasn't really a date date. We just ate dinner and saw a movie. Then the plane landed.

Bill Burr quotes

Rednecks are like America's pit bulls. They should just sedate those people, drop 'em off in Afghanistan, just let them run wild. Just be like, 'Dude, just go do everything you ever dreamed of doing. Just go crazy. Have one of your friends play the banjo -- it'll scare the hell out of them.'

Maria Bamford quotes

[impersonating her mother] Now, Maria, if a boy doesn't like you, I would just like you to know that he is intimidated by your beauty, because you are the most beautiful girl in the whole world and if you would stop doing impersonations of me I think other people would see that...

Kristen Schaal quotes

If you are feeling overly optimistic the Republican Candidates Debate is on.

Rodney Dangerfield quotes

I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!

George Lopez quotes

Barack Obama may be black, but John McCain is the first Albino presidential candidate: he's completely see-through!

Kevin Hart quotes

I DON'T have EX's! I have Y's. Like 'Y the hell did I date you?!'

Daniel Tosh quotes

By the way, everything I say is wrong; I'm a complete hypocrite. I've dated girls with boob jobs, breast enlargements, but she was an A cup and that's gross. Get it fixed girls, you're not even a real woman.

Natasha Leggero quotes

Getting worried there might not be enough talent in America to acommodate all these singing shows.

Natasha Leggero quotes

Don’t be intimidated by my outfit, it’s Forever 21.