Funny quotes about country
Eddie Izzard quotesHorseshoes are lucky. Horses have four bits of lucky nailed to their feet. They should be the luckiest animals in the world. They should rule the country. They should win all their horse races, at least. "In the fifth race today, every single horse was first equal...one horse threw a shoe came in third...the duck was ninth...and five ran."
Mitch Hedberg quotesI think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry, and that's extra scary to me. There's a large out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside. Look out, he's fuzzy! Let's get out of here!
Robin Williams quotesI believe Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was... a large Arctic region covered with ice.
I went to rehab [for alcoholism] in wine country, just to keep my options open.
Lewis Black quotes
Stewart Lee quotesAustralians are very proud of being from Australia. It's an interesting country, Australia. In Australia it's illegal not to vote. Australia has a compulsory democracy. Bizarrely, it's compulsory to vote in a country where the citizens are, to be fair, perhaps least equipped to make choices. It's not their fault. Australian life has not prepared the Australian for complex choices, cos every Australian day is like a sort of decision tree of simple binary choices. Sleep or wake? Shorts or swimming trunks? Beach or park? Smoothie or heroin? Hepatitis or skin cancer? Up at the end of a sentence... Or down.
Jim Gaffigan quotesIt would be kinda embarrassing trying to explain what an appetizer is to someone from a starving country though. "Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food."
Brian Regan quotesI am willing to commit espionage against the United States by providing your country with highly classified information.
David Cross quotesRadio DJ's are the same two motherfucking asshole clowns all over the country. I hate radio interviews. 'You didn't know it David, but you're just in time for the Friday Morning Fart Song!' No, sorry, I'm not doing that. Even if it's only fifteen minutes, it's the worst fifteen minutes of your life. I don't care if you've been in a fucking shark attack. If I was in a shark attack, and then they had no anesthetic and they had to heal it up, sew it up, I would be like, 'This sucks,' but then if two DJ's came in and interviewed me I'd fucking shoot myself.
The South has more of a disproportionate amount of irony on T-shirts than any other region in the country.
Steve Martin quotesI believe that Ronald Reagan will someday make this country what it once was... an arctic wilderness.
Bill Bailey quotesI spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people's doors and running away. God that was a good game.
But our country's equivalent of gritty reality is more like "Look out Sarge, he's got a shooter!"
Steven Wright quotesLast year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what it was...
