Funny quotes about cheat
Woody Allen quotesI was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
Sarah Silverman quotesI learned that people in wheelchairs are allowed to have marathons … which, to me, seems like cheating, but what are you gonna say?
Chris Rock quotesYou know the only thing you can do to stop your man from cheating? The only thing you can do … is be there. Where? There! Wherever he's thinking about fucking, that's it. Just be right there. And even then he still might lose your ass. He's like, "Honey, look! A Sale! Let me go fuck this bitch right now!"
Rodney Dangerfield quotes
Whitney Cummings quotesThe problem with vampires is they look like they're 20, but they're actually 100 years old. So you'll be dating this hot, young guy who grew up in the Great Depression and hates Irish people. And then you take him out to a nightclub, and he's doing the Charleston. Or you think he's cheating on you, so you go through his journal. You're like, 'Who the hell is this slut? Harriet Tubman? Who the f**k is that?'
Greg Giraldo quotesLook at Thomas Jefferson. The guy had illegitimate kids in the 1700s, and they caught him last year. If you cheat on your wife and cover it up for 200 years, you're pretty much thinking you're home free.
Bob Hope quotesRonald Reagan is not a typical politician because he doesn't know how to lie, cheat, and steal. He's always had an agent do that.
Dane Cook quotesWe had Monopoly, everybody did. No one liked it. Even if you think you liked the game you didn't. And it's simple why, two and a half hours into a game this is all you'd hear... [boom] Fuck this game! It's four in the morning grandma, you win! I'm sitting on Baltic with crack. I'm paying luxury tax up the ass! And I hate it when you're the banker. Where did you get the pink fifties from your cheating whore. Don't fucking touch me grandpa! Nana, is a cheating whore! I should cut your head off with the little doggie. We were so poor growing up, that little iron, we had to use that little iron. It's not funny. Takes a long time to iron a shirt with that tiny little iron. Sss. Oww. Sss. Ooo hot.
Every time you come in from cheating on someone, they'll just whip out the most adorable term of endearment. Like, they'll wake up, bright and early, sleep in their eyes and say: "Hey, perfect."
