Funny quotes about change
Adam Ferrara quotesThe human body is in constant change the minute we're born. It's in a constant state of decay. We're all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart.
George Carlin quotes
Mitch Hedberg quotesI went to a pizzeria. The guy gave me the smallest slice possible. If the pizza was a pie chart with what would you do if you found a million dollars, he gave me the "Donate it to charity" slice. "I'd like to exchange this for the 'Keep it!'"
I use the word totally too much. I need to change it up and use a word that is different but has the same meaning. Mitch do you like submarine sandwiches? All-encompassingly!
Louis C.K. quotesI'm just like yeast - I eat sugar and I shit alcohol. And there's a huge culture that goes with that. Alcohol creates massive shifts in world history, and it changes people's lives. People get pregnant because of alcohol. But the yeast doesn't give a fuck. The yeast isn't going, "I really want to help people loosen up and bring passion into Irish people's lives.
Woody Allen quotesI don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Jim Gaffigan quotes
Brian Regan quotesYou know when you say something but you want to change in the middle? Like one time I was a bout to say take care but changed in the middle to good luck so it sounded like TAKE LUCK.. If you have any luck take care of it. Take luck you now. SHUT UP!
Steve Martin quotesI handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The word they didn't change was on page 87.
Steven Wright quotesI once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turns to the other and says, "See, that's how it's done."
I saw a want ad. "light housekeeping." They said "Here, change this bulb." I said "I'll need some friends."
Sarah Silverman quotesAnd then before going back for my sophomore year, I decided to change my major to arts and sciences, and my dad cut a deal with me: He said if I'd quit school he'd pay my rent for the next three years, as if I were in school.
Tina Fey quotesResearches reported that they developed a "self-healing" plastic that repairs itself if cracked. The plastic will change the way airplanes are built and medicine is practiced. In a related story, Joan Rivers will never die.
