Funny quotes about cats

Cats have a scam going – you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that's the deal.

Cats have nine lives. Makes them ideal for experimentation.

One time my own father caught me watching a porno movie. The one thing you never wanna hear in that situation is, “son, move over.” “And the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon…” my eye!

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on hem. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.

"A lot of people like cats. Take the Pope, for example: I read recently that he was a cat-oholic!"

I'm one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown.

If you’re a girl, and dont give blowjobs, go ahead and curl up with your cats and your twilight dvd’s.. because you are going to die alone.

When the country goes temporarily to the dogs, cats must learn to be circumspect, walk on fences, sleep in trees, and have faith that all this woofing is not the last word.

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.

I don't appreciate people who celebrate their dog's birthdays with "dog parties," and then invite their friends who don't even have dogs. I understand why people like dogs, and I think they definitely bring more to the table than cats or those godforsaken ferrets, but I don't think it's healthy for people to treat their dogs like they are real people.

It was raining cats and dogs, and I fell in a poodle.

Do you realize that if the pilgrims have been chasing bobcats instead of turkeys... we'd all be eating pussy on Thanksgiving?!