Funny quotes about birthday
Amy Schumer quotesThere's nothing more awkward than going to the first birthday party of a little girl when you told her mom to get rid of her -- because the kid can tell.
Russell Howard quotesShe’s 80 my nan, what do you want for your birthday? “SHREDDER!! GET ME A SHREDDER!!”, what do you want a shredder for? “IDENTITY THEFT!!”.
Chelsea Handler quotesI don't appreciate people who celebrate their dog's birthdays with "dog parties," and then invite their friends who don't even have dogs. I understand why people like dogs, and I think they definitely bring more to the table than cats or those godforsaken ferrets, but I don't think it's healthy for people to treat their dogs like they are real people.
Mark Watson quotes(On his long-term goals.) I want to have more courage, conquer my fear of lightning and, by my 40th birthday, be drinking 50% less of my current alcohol consumption. I also want to meet Barack Obama, or take significant steps to getting into Outer Space.
Andy Rooney quotesMy grandmother has a bumper sticker on her car that says, 'Sexy Senior Citizen.' You don't want to think of your grandmother that way, do you? Out entering wet shawl contests. Makes you wonder where she got that dollar she gave you for your birthday.
Frank Carson quotesIt's my wife Ruth's birthday soon. I said to her: "What would you like for your birthday?" She said: "I want a divorce." I said: "I wasn't planning on spending that much."
Amy Poehler quotesTelling me to relax or smile when I’m angry is like bringing a birthday cake into an ape sanctuary. You’re just asking to get your nose and genitals bitten off.
