Funny quotes about america
Eddie Izzard quotesMakeup's just crazy, anyways. Native Americans used to wear it, and it did all right for them until, uh … well, until you killed them all, I suppose.
Dara O Briain quotesHave you ever watched footage of the destruction caused by hurricanes in America? When a big wind sweeps across America, there isn't a building left standing. And you can't help thinking: the Southern states of America must have been built by the first two little piggies.
Dylan Moran quotesAmerica is like the really bad flatmate of the world: 'Oh sorry, did I break all your shit? I d'n't know it was yours. Yeah, I'll replace it sometime... with my stuff.'
George Carlin quotesThe IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.
When you’re born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you’re born in America, you get a front-row seat.
The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it.
Robin Williams quotesWe Americans, we're a simple people . . . but piss us off, and we'll bomb your cities.
[Imitating a Frenchman] Fuck you Americans! Uncultured, crass Americans! We hate all of you! Fu- the Germans are here! Hello Americans! We love you!
Louis C.K. quotesSorry – Americans only buy things that come from suffering. They just enjoy it more when they know someone’s getting hurt.
Richard Pryor quotesI went to Zimbabwe. I know how white people feel in America now; relaxed! Cause when I heard the police car I knew they weren't coming after me!
Woody Allen quotesOrganized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.
Stewart Lee quotesPeople feel like they're defined by where they live, where they're from. Americans, for example, are very proud of being from America. I used to love the Americans, but I went off them last year, the Americans, because of them all ganging up on the bloke from BP. Do you remember? All the Americans picking on the bloke from BP about that oil slick. It seems unfair, doesn't it, given that America is the largest consumer of oil per head in the world and they seemed annoyed with the bloke from BP for merely trying to provide them with the oil that they craved. Americans, picking on the bloke from BP. It's ridiculous. It's like a furious customer punching a prostitute in the face because he's sickened by his own desire.
Mike Birbiglia quotesI performed for the U.S. troops in Guantanamo Bay. And signed autographs for people who've been gone from America for so long they didn't realize that I'm not famous.
