Funny quotes about alone
Rodney Dangerfield quotesA man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!
Do ya remember the first time you had sex? I do, and boy, was I scared! I was alone!
Dennis Miller quotes"What would Jesus drive?" I don't know about you, but I always picture my God having a driver. Well, Jesus would naturally have an SUV, cause He always had those twelve idiots hanging around, making Him change shit into food every four and a half minutes. "See the cigarette? It's a fish. Leave me alone."
Amy Schumer quotes[Baby Safety Ads] It says, 'It's safest to let them sleep alone, especially if you drink, use drugs or are overweight.' Yeah, I thought that was weird, too. But if you think about it, if you're drunk, stoned or really fat, in the middle of the night, that baby might look delicious. I've eaten weirder things.
Donald Glover quotesIf you’re a girl, and dont give blowjobs, go ahead and curl up with your cats and your twilight dvd’s.. because you are going to die alone.
Adam Carolla quotes
Seann Walsh quotesLeave me alone. Mine [laptop] has been on for years. The poor thing is going there "I'm boiling! Please, turn me off! Even oven gets a break! Come on!"
Billy Connolly quotesNever trust a man who, when left alone in a room with a tea cozy, doesn't try it on.
Buddy Hackett quotesA guy goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he needs a pet for his mother. The guy says that Mom lives alone and could really use some company. Pet shop guy says, "I have just what she needs. A parrot that can speak in 5 languages. She'll have a lot of fun with that bird." The guy says he'll take the parrot and makes arrangement to have the bird delivered to his Mom. A few days pass and the man calls his mother. "Well Mom, how did you like that bird I sent?" She says, "Oh son, he was delicious!" Aghast, the guys says, "Mom, you ate that bird? Why, he could speak 5 languages!" Mom says, "well, he shoulda said something."
Colin Quinn quotes
