Funny quotes about alone
Dara O Briain quotesThe game of comedy is all about owning the stage, and from a physical point of view, it's beneficial that I am a larger man. From my lumbering presence alone, I can't really help *but* dominate the stage.
Bill Hicks quotesI can speak for every guy in this room here tonight. Guys, if you could blow yourselves, ladies, you'd be in this room alone right now. Watching an empty stage.
I just have one of those faces. People come up to me and say, "What's wrong?" Nothing. "Well, it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile." Yeah, you know it takes more energy to point that out than it does to leave me alone?
Dylan Moran quotesYou've a very important, early decision to make in your life: are you going to be alone, or are you going to be with somebody else? Are you going to be sane, or not lonely? A couple is a strange thing; it’s an organism that’s half as intelligent as the most intelligent member. And you both know who it is.
George Carlin quotesIf it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
Jimmy Carr quotesI worry about my nan. If she's alone and falls, does she make a noise? I'm joking, she's dead.
Lewis Black quotesI was home alone watching George Bush speak on television. So it was just really the two of us. And as I listened to him, I realized, that one of us... was nuts! And for the first time ever, I went, "Wow, it's not me!"
Emo Phillips quotes
Bill Cosby quotes
Dave Attell quotesEvery man wonders about the size of their penis. Laying in bed alone at night, or in a hammock with a parrot. You start thinking, “Do I have a small penis or just gigantic balls?”
Never drink alone, that's what they say. But you know what? If you drink you will never be alone, alright? People will find you, and that's when all the bad stuff happens, right? Just sittin around, doin nuthin, right? You know what happened one time? Drunk, nothin to do. I end up doing what? My penis in my fishtank, alright? No, i did it just to show them who's boss, alright? They were gettin a little uppity. Even the diver guy stopped bubblin, he's like 'bleh??' Then, they hid in the castle. And like all good times, it always ends when your grandma walks in, doesn't it? 'Get that dick outta the fishtank!! Time for supper!'
Demetri Martin quotesI think vest are all about protection. You know what I man? Like a life-vest protects you from drowning and a bullet-proof vest protects you from getting shot and the sweater-vest protects you from pretty girls. 'Leave me alone. Can't you see I'm cold just right here?'
Steven Wright quotesI was once walking through the forest alone. A tree fell right in front of me, and I didn't hear a thing.
Rowan Atkinson quotesLeave me alone, Baldrick. If I wanted to talk to a vegetable, I would have bought one at the market.
