Funny Natasha Leggero quotes

Male comics are always coming up to me, and they’re like, ‘Hey, Natasha, don’t you think you’re a little attractive to be a comedian?’ And I’m like, ‘Don’t you think you’re a little ugly to be talking to me?’

I just went home to Illinois, and I asked my family, ‘Are you guys planning on talking in those accents the whole time I’m home?’ And my mother said, ‘You used to talk like that, too, Tasha.’ And I said, ‘Yes, but you see, I’ve reinvented myself. Do you have any idea who I think I am?’

Having a baby is like a DUI from the universe.

I wish his [Frank Ocean] music came out of the closet and admit that it sucks.

The more developed your abs, the less time you’ve spent reading.

Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is most afraid of being raped?

TLC should stand for Toddlers, Lunatics, and Cake.

I don’t see the point of watching men exercise.

Your main contribution is spray painting your nickname on other people’s things. And my cousin, who’s a ‘gangster’, he’s like, ‘No, Tash, you don’t understand; you throw a fat piece up there, that piece is yours.’ I’m like, ‘No one thinks you own Costco.’

Have you heard his [Justin Bieber] new song? ‘Cause he thinks he’s a black man now.

If Jesus had known that his image would end up on Justin Bieber’s calf, he would’ve never started Christianity.

Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is the most afraid of getting ruffied? It’s like relax. YOU can take the coaster off your drink. There are at least three of us in line ahead of you.

No one smart is having a toilet baby. It’s never like ‘Darling you’ll never guess what has come out of my vagina’

College seems like a pretty expensive way to become an alcoholic.

The waiters in France could all be senators in the US.

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