Funny Milton Jones quotes

I went out with this girl the other night, she wore this real slinky number...She looked great going down the stairs.

You know I used to work at Ikea, selling over 7,000 products. Give me a number between 1-7,000 I'll tell you about it. (any number) Sorry out of stock, lucky you chose that one.

"I recently bought the box set of 'Doctor Who' and watched it back to back, Unfortunately I wasn't the one facing the TV!"

"A lot of people like cats. Take the Pope, for example: I read recently that he was a cat-oholic!"

"Most of my relatives are police marksmen, apart from my grandad who was a bank robber. He died recently, surrounded by his family."

"My mother made us eat all sorts of vitamins and supplements, until one day I nearly choked on part of The Sunday Times."

"As a child I watched Mary Poppins so many times I suffered from a condition with my sight. Umdiddleiddleiddleumdiddle Eye."

"The school had a big problem with drugs... especially Class A."