Funny Martin Lawrence quotes

[On the Wizard of Oz] Lion's lookin' for some courage... Tin Man's lookin' for a heart... ain't none of them lookin' for some pussy, and they skippin' down the street WITH a bitch!

There better not be a black person in here that says they don't know nobody in jail... 'cause that's bullshit. Ray-Ray, Earl, Craig, Shorty Tim, Lil' Reg, all them motherfuckers in jail... Shonda's little brother... all of 'em, in jail... chillin'.

Somebody put something in his mouth. My zipper's stuck.

Here goes all these rumors writin' about me. I see on the paper, one of'em says "Martin tries to jump out of a plane using his jacket as a parachute." Now ain't that some bullshit! As I'm trying to get my life together, they're gonna write that bullshit. I know damn well you can't jump out no plane using your jacket as a parachute. Shit, I know you got to use your pants.

You used to look good from afar. Now you just *far* from looking *good*!

Here’s a synonym for procreation….. fuck you.

I dont live to eat, I eat to live.

No one is immune to the trials and tribulations of life.

White parents use time out. My mom used a different type of time out. She'd be like "there, take time out to pick up your teeth."