Funny Marc Maron quotes

I don't care what anybody says, I think that George Bush is absolutely the right president to oversea the end of the world.

[On George W. Bush] He does have that weird mixture of born again Christian and stupid that some people mistake for courage and focus.

God doesn't seem to talk to people like he used to. Who's he talking to now? I don't know. Then I'm walking down the street in Manhattan one day, and I realize maybe it's those guys you see walking down the street talking to themselves. You know, those guys that are like, 'I can't! No, I can't!' Maybe the other side of that conversation is God going, 'You're the new leader.' 'No I can't!' They're not crazy -- they're reluctant prophets.

I just read an article in the paper the other day that, in an experiment, a medical experiment, they actually hooked up electrodes to the pleasure center of a lab monkey's brain and, at the flip of a switch, sent the monkey into perpetual orgasm. I've always been against animal testing, but where do I get the home game of this?

A lot of people think that Jesus is coming back. That's fine, it's your right. But you know, I live in New York, and I think he's running a little late. I'm asking myself, 'Alright, what happens if Jesus comes back tomorrow? What -- does he make rounds to churches?' 'OK, everyone who's been good, buses leave in 10 minutes. I'll meet you in front of the post office. I gotta go. Oh, don't tell the Jews I'm back.'

There's this whole post-modern, nuevo beatnik, retro-bohemian thing going on, you know what I mean? You walk into some coffee shops, and it feels like you're an ex-patriot in Paris in the 20s. You're like, 'Hey, isn't that a young Ernest Hemingway over there? Yeah, I think it is! Hey, let's go have a look and see what he's writing... It's a Gap application.'

I feel bad for people who've never been addicted to anything. Cause they're the real losers. You wanna know why? Cause they don't know what it's like to really want something. And get it. Again and again and again, until they're sick and have to stop. That's passion.

I'm not a racist. It's really case by case; it's not ethnicity specific. It's just the way I react to things that are different. I think that's normal. Everyone's nervous when they're confronted with things that they don't understand or are different. That's a normal human reaction. It doesn't become racist 'til you say things like, 'Oh, there's a lot of them.'

Let's be honest, this is a consumer based economy in America. That's all we manufacture here is need and appetite. We are the world's mouth. They make things in other countries, and they're like, 'Send it to America; they'll eat it.'

I live in Los Angeles, I know it exists. I know you're not supposed to taste air.

I'm not completely sure we aren't all living in a hallucination now.

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