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Kristen Schaal quotes
33 funny quotes, stand-up comedy jokes, sayings and citations by comedian Kristen Schaal.
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A kiss is like a fight, with mouths.
You know, quite a few species of fish require two or more sexual partners...
Just because I'm married to Doug doesn't mean I can't be here for you.
I mean if you two were to make love, that would be gay. Two men touching each other physically and emotionally...erotically caressing each other...on the hood of a car...or the back of a movie theater...
I would imagine that Bret would taste like a warm goat cheese, and Jemaine would taste like harvati with dill. Hmm...I'm hungry actually....[walks off camera]
Mel: What was your name again?
Rain: Rain.
Mel: Oh that's nice. Kind of like bad weather.
You're looking good today Bret. Very hot…hotter than Jemaine . You have a refined bone structure, while Jemaine's facial features are too deep set to be classically handsome.
Oh man, the car could just burst into flames right now and this would be the way to go, huh guys?
Mel: Does Bret's girlfriend look anything like me?
Murray: A little, around the eyes.
Mel: Oh yeah? Big eyes huh?
Murray: Well... she's got eyes.
[Talking about her husband Doug] He resisted for a while and there were some legal boundaries, you know, keeping me from being near him or his family, but in the end, love overcame. And I got what I wanted. I always get what I want...
