Funny Jim Norton quotes

That looks like something out of the dumpster of planned parenthood.

On why porn stars cant act: "I wanna know the correlation between an uncle's finger and bad acting"

There's a trench coat and a tragedy in your future

Two men spit in their hands, help each other out, then laugh about it later. Just to be silly.

I don't wear rubbers cause you can't catch it twice.

God, I hope he dies the night before one of his kids get married.

For the record, I hate skiing...and if you get killed doing it, GOOD.

No periods. If you sneeze, the carpet's ruined.

I wish I had AIDS so I could bite somebody.

And while all of your friends are grieving at your wake, I hope the sprinkler system turns on and sprays them with AIDS, hepatitis C and liquified genital warts. And while they're all running out and crying, I hope one of them slips and accidentally molests a child.

I couldn't get laid with a sitcom and a rifle.

You 50 year old one-breasted bag of meat. Just hang it up and be grateful some of your friends are still living.

I had AIDS, but I beat it with Advil.

What a coincidence, they both go to College and I'm a rapist!