Funny Jeff Foxworthy quotes

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.

Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts.

You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more.

You might be a redneck if ...the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.

When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.

You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.

You may be a redneck if...your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family.

If men have a smell it's usually an accident.

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'

If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck.

If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.

If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.

If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck.

If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a redneck.