Funny Groucho Marx quotes

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.

There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast

Dig trenches? With our men being killed off like flies? There isn't time to dig trenches. We'll have to buy them ready made.

I write by ear. I tried writing with the typewriter, but I found it too unwieldy.

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.