Funny George Carlin quotes

I never fucked a ten, but one night, I fucked five twos.

I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don’t trust any organization that has a handbook.

Have you noticed that most of the women who are against abortion are women you wouldn’t want to fuck in the first place? There’s such balance in nature.

Catholic — which I was until I reached the age of reason.

I love and treasure individuals as I meet them; I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.

Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.

God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.

One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you’re too tired.

In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem.

“One thing leads to another”? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.

The planet is fine. The people are fucked.

Boxing is a more sophisticated form of hockey.

The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.

Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes.

Thou shalt keep thy religion to thyself.

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