Funny Fred Allen quotes

Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.

My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.

Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making.

Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making.

Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making.

Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.

Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

Television is the triumph of machine over people.

The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.

The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.

The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference.

Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.