Funny Fred Allen quotes

Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year.

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is.

I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.

I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement.

I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.

If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which partners recognize their dependence on each other for the achievement of shared and private goals.

Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.

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