Funny Frankie Boyle quotes

The owners of a dog which swallowed a diamond worth £12000 had to wait three days until it re-emerged. With a bit of planning it could have been a nice way to propose.

The thing I don't get about paedophilia... Why the hell do kids find old men in dirty raincoats so sexy?

Does anyone find it ironic how a program aimed at old people is called 'Countdown'?

Stephen Hawking: Brainier than Kurt Cobain's garage wall.

I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on the train or bus and think, I'm fucking havin that!'

Why is it that it's okay to call a white person "mate" yet it's not okay to call a black guy "primate"?

I gave my girlfriend something she didn't expect for Valentine's day...Chlamydia.

Breaking News : Prince Harry met some children yesterday who`d been blown up in landmines. "How do you cope being legless everyday?" the kids asked Harry.

Welcome to Glasgow - the city where we punch people who are on fire.

There are fears that Britain could be facing a double-dip recession, or worse still, a double-dip with misery sprinkles and fuck-where's-my-job-sauce.

It seems amazing that the Navy SEALs managed to get inside the compound and shoot Osama so efficiently. I can only imagine they were told that the mission was to rescue a bearded British hostage and he must be brought out alive.

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