Funny Eddie Izzard quotes

If I were Achilles I would put my foot in a f**k off block of concrete!

What exactly is an evil giraffe?

I like my coffee like I like my women...in a plastic cup.

I like my coffee like I like my women...covered in beeees!

I like my coffee hot and strong, like I like my women, hot and strong... with a spoon in them.

Of course, I couldn't tell the kids at school I was a transvestite. They's kill me with sticks. "Why are we killing him with sticks?" "I don't know... he said a word we didn't understand... and he won at Scrabble with it..."

For those of you who don't speak French, by the way, all of that was fucking funny.

And the druids, they were into sex and death in an interesting night-time telly sort of way.

I had to go see a chiropractor in New York. And they're different from osteopaths because of the spelling. Of course, they're both very powerful figures on the Scrabble board, though. "Chiropractor. Chiropractor. Ninety-three letters, 'chiropractor.'"

There's two positions in snowboarding. One is looking cool and the other is DEAD!

I am two lesbians in a man's body.

Cats have a scam going – you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that's the deal.

Religion and philosophy, philosophy and religion – they're two words which are both … different. In spelling.

Agatha Christie? We go back years, me and Ag. She's a … she's just a … she's dead, isn't she?

She said, "Spell 'ant' ", and I wrote out the entire alphabet. She said, "That doesn't spell 'ant' ", and I said, "It's in there somewhere! There's the A, there's the N, there's the T – the rest are silent!"

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