Funny Dave Chappelle quotes

Hey baby, baby go home man its three o'clock in the morning what the fuck are you doing up. The baby said I'm sellin' weed nigger.

What is wrong with me i just bought a bag of weed from an infant.

I turned on Sesame Street. And I was, like: "Oh, good. Sesame Street. This is much better cause now he'll learn how to count and spell." But now I'm watching it as an adult and I realize that Sesame Street teaches kids other things. It teaches kids how to judge people. And label people. That's right. They got this one character named Oscar. They treat this guy like shit the entire show. They judge him right to his face. "Oscar, you are so mean. Isn't he, kids?" "Yeah. Oscar, you're a grouch!" He's, like, "Bitch, I live in a fucking trash can! I'm the poorest motherfucker on Sesame Street. Nobody's help in' me." Now you wonder why your kids grow up and step over homeless people, "Get it together, grouch. Get a job, grouch." So don't even tell me how to get to Sesame Street, that is a terrible place. I wouldn't go there if I knew the way.

What did the five fingers say to the face? SLAP!!!!

Why don't you click your heels three times and go back to Africa.

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