Funny Dave Chappelle quotes

Chivalry died when women started readin' the shit in all them magazines. They got too much advice about men from other women. And they don't know what the fuck they're talkin' about. I see them in the grocery store, says on the cover "100 Ways to Please Your Man" by some lady. Come on, man. Ain't no 100 ways. That list is four things long. Just suck his dick, play with his balls,fix him a sandwich, and don't talk so much and he'll be happy!

You can't get un-famous. You can get infamous, but you can't get un-famous.

The worst thing to call somebody is "crazy". It's dismissive. I don't understand this person, so they're crazy. That's bullshit! People are not crazy. They are strong people...Maybe the environment is a little sick.

The mark of greatness is when everything before you is obsolete, and everything after you bears your mark.

Oh my god. Open and shut case, Johnson. I saw this once when I was a rookie. Apparently this nigger broke in and put up pictures of his family everywhere.

I'm Rick James, bitch.

Is this the 5:00 Free Crack Giveaway?

Every group of brothers should have at least one white guy in it. Im serious for safety, cuz when the shit goes down someone is gonna need to talk to the police.

No one wants to get their ass beat to a soundtrack.

Somebody broke into my house once, this is a good time to call the police, but mm mm, nope. The house was too nice. It was a real nice house, but they'd never believe i lived in it. They'd be like 'He's still here!

I dont like letting my freinds drive drunk, but i was smokin' a joint i really couldn't say shit to the guy.

Remember what the Bible says: He who is without sin, cast the first rock. And I shall smoketh it.

New white people, you can't scare these white people, I tried.

Then Jasper said "Look here, nigger, if anyone's gonna have sex with my sister, it's gonna be me."

The old baby on the corner trick a, not gonna fall for that shit.