Funny Dave Attell quotes

If I need directions I'm not asking a man with one tooth, I'm asking a man with one leg. Cause he definitely knows the easiest way to get there. Yup, if there's a shortcut that one legged fucker knows where it is. You won't be hoppin fences neither.

When I first saw a strap on, I put it on my head and ran around like a rhino.

Every dude in here has had a fantasy about Jessica Simpson. Here's mine: Jessica, hold your sister Ashlee so I can kick her in the throat.

If you take off your pants and her first reaction is, "Awwww, look at a little baby Jesus." Time to buy a Porsche.

Women have all the power because women have all the vaginas.

Sometimes whiskey dick is a good thing, like last night fucking the left eye of a pumpkin sounded like a good idea....thank you whiskey dick thank you!

And everything's over when your grandma walks in, get that dick outta the fish tank! Time for supper!

Are you shooting webs of stupid at me?

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