Funny Craig Ferguson quotes

Twas the night before Thanksgiving. All the food's in the oven. And I'm in the bedroom performin' self lovin'.

When in doubt about who's to blame. Blame the English.

Its easier to feel a little more spiritual with a couple of bucks in your pocket.

You clap. The Censor wakes up. We all get into trouble.

I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. Its a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.

Dr. Jeckyll & Mr. Hyde is a metaphor for alcoholism. He drinks a potion, becomes a monster. I know exactly how he feels.

The views expressed by Me are in no way endorsed by CBS any of its allied companies or in fact Me.

It 's the time of year when Canadians mate.

I'm not so much a dragon slayer, more a dragon annoyer -- I'm a dragon irritater.

I have a deep and profound mistrust of all politicians.

This book could scare them. The sex, the violence, the dream sequences and the iconoclasm - I think a lot of people are uncomfortable with that. I understand that. It was very uncomfortable to write some of it

Welcome back, my cheeky wee monkeys.

I only like sports that Bond villains played.

I have a beard. Just not on my face...

I don't like the whole blowing the candles out ritual... blowing their germs all over the cake. If I want to catch something on my birthday. I don't want it to be from the cake. If you know what I'm saying...

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