Funny Craig Ferguson quotes

If I start giving people what they like I'll turn into one of them and I don't want to be one of them I want to be one of me.

....maybe fear is God's way of saying, "Pay attention, this could be fun.

I love zombies. If any monster could Riverdance, it would be zombies.

You gotta laugh because if you didn't you'd cry

Everything I think of now is too rude to actually say.

Anyone who's just driven 90 yards against huge men trying to kill them has earned the right to do Jazz hands.

Thanks cows. I appreciate your tastiness.

If I have a near-beer, I’m near beer. And if I’m near beer, I’m close to tequila. And if I’m close to tequila, I’m adjacent to cocaine.

I'm gonna enjoy being old I think I'll be awesome at it.

I don't just like sexual double entendres I love them, I stroke them, I milk them, I spank them when they're naughty.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling the truth. I know it isn’t fashionable.

Canada is not the party. Its the apartment above the party.

I freely admit I'm confused. I'm a confused and troubled individual but at the same time...Its Free!

It may be that the fear contains information. Something can be interesting if you get to the other side of that fear.

I think holidays create so much pressure because people feel they should be having a good time. But you shouldn't.

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