Funny Chris Rock quotes

George Bush has fucked up so bad, he made it hard for a white man to run for president! People are like "give me a black man, a white woman, a giraffe, a zebra...anything but another white man! That last one fucked up my roof!"

Comedy is the blues for people who can't sing.

When I heard they were trying and get rid of the word "nigga", I told my accountant to buy 800 shares of "coon".

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

You know, some people say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that you have to live each day like it's your last. Bullshit. Life is long. You're probably not gonna get hit by a bus. And you're gonna have to live with the choices you make for the next fifty years.

If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.

If you're black, you got to look at America a little bit different. You got to look at America like the uncle who paid for you to go to college, but who molested you.

They're working their way down. Next year, Todd Bridges gets the award. When I was a kid I wanted to be Eddie Murphy and now I'm a rip-off of Eddie Murphy."