Funny Chris Rock quotes
Never go to clubs with metal detectors. Sure it feels safe inside. But what about all those niggas waiting outside with guns? They know you ain't got one.
School shootings were invented by blacks... and stolen by the white man.
Who's judging American Idol? Paula Abdul? Paula Abdul judging a singing contest is like Christopher Reeve judging a dance contest!
Yeah, I love being famous. It's almost like being white, y'know?
You don't pay taxes - they take taxes.
Do you know what the good side of crack is? If you're up at the right hour, you can get a VCR for $1.50. You can furnish your whole house for $10.95.
A black man failing black history... ain't that some sad shit..... cuz you know, fat people don't fail cooking!
People are starving all over the world, what do you mean, "red meat will kill you"? Don't eat no red meat? No, don't eat no green meat. If you lucky enough to get your hands on a steak, bite the shit out of it!
We got so much food in America we're allergic to food. Allergic to food! Hungry people ain't allergic to shit. You think anyone in Rwanda's got a fucking lactose intolerance?!
Actually, I think all addiction starts with soda. Every junkie did soda first. But no one counts that. Maybe they should. The soda connection is clear. Why isn't a presidential commission looking into this? Or at least some guys from the National Carbonation Council.
I was at Michael Jackson's house, and this kid runs out, 'Wait, save me!'
There are people who would like to get rid of minimum wage. But we have to have it, because if we didn't some people would not get paid money. They would work all week for two loaves of bread and some Spam.
Not a Harvard-type education, ... Just a not-sticking-up-a-liquor-store-type education.
I just thought everybody lived around abandoned buildings and crack-heads, ... I lived in the ghetto until I was like 19. I came to (Los Angeles), stayed at hotels and stuff. When I got back and I saw what my neighborhood looked like, I started getting scared.
Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show.
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