Funny Bo Burnham quotes

People ask me all the time, ALL the time, they say the same exact thing. They say, ‘Bo, you’re an artist… how do we fix Africa?’

I actually wrestled in high school. I was only in one match, and I lost… my virginity.

I’m circumcised ‘cause I don’t cum from the hood.

Poetic talent is really easy to fake when thy sentences doth no fucking sense make.

All you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls.

When I tried to hit puberty I swung and I missed.

I’m gay for Jesus, fill me with your grace. Pour your love all over me, but please aim away from my face.

Poverty. Racisism. Isn’t it strange, only the homeless are begging for change?

I believe, firmly, that women are always right. Ah, I should actually rephrase that: I… don’t.

Give me the bottle, I’ll chug two thirds, ‘cause you bitches know fractions speak louder than words.

Did you poop a virgin? ‘Cause that shit is tight.

I think that God might think I’m gay… what does he know anyway?

Drugs kill, just like cancer. So don’t smoke… tumors.

In the distance, Bo saw a fairy. A fairy so beautiful that he felt proud of being called one in highschool.

I’m a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch, and I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncles pull-out couch.

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