Funny Bo Burnham quotes

And my friend is black, But I don't know what to call him. So I just call him Jamal Even though his name is Steve.

And if you made a factor tree of the factors that caused my girl to leave me you'd have a tree... Full of Asian porn.

Was Einstein's theory good? Relatively.

Twitter is a lot like crystal meth, because it's really fun to do and Oprah's on it.

Women are like fingers and toes because they're easy to count on.

There's a metal train that a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her. How long til it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he's a good conductor?

And two balls minus one, six titles at the tour de France.

Ya back home they call me the tie-dye shirt kid, well that and fagot.

I get more ass than a giant donkey stable.

What's a bag of chips divided by five, that's a Nike worker's meal.

And if ten percent of men are gay and twenty percent of men are Chinese, what are the odds that a men chosen at random spends his free time and mealtime while on his knees.

My whole family thinks I'm gay, I guess it's always been that way. Maybe it's 'cause of the way that I walk, Makes them think I like... boys.

I'm Bo yo I'm the greatest rapper ever ever and I'll whether you weather, whether you think you better your not don't need a sweater im hot, im a really cool shorty who can really find your g-spot...what the fucks a g-spot.

I masturbate ‘cause I’m the only one whose standards are low enough to FUCK ME.

I stopped and I thought, ‘What would Jesus do?” So I didn’t exist.