Funny Adam Carolla quotes

My penis is like a burn victim after I orgasm. Don't get near it. It hurts. Leave it be.

Let me tell you something about the porn industry... they're a little short on brains and a little high on coke, but they're scrappy.

Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they're so suggestible.

God didn't have an anal plan.

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