Comedian Will Ferrell

If guns kill people, then pencils misspell words, cars make people drive drunk, and spoons make you fat.

Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died.

In every circle of friends there's always that one person everyone secretly hates. Don't have one? Then it's probably you.

Every gay guys GPS system would tell him to Go straight.

Here's the deal I'm the best there is. Plain and simple. I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.